Not you too!
by L'allegro burlone
Summary: RebornxLambo. Reborn surely didn't imagine the cow to have biblically known all that people :


Reborn was clearly annoyed, not that it was something new lately. In fact, since he started dating Lambo 3 months ago, he had grown more and more annoyed. The reason was simple: he still hadn't had sex with him, which was driving him crazy. At first, he had gone out of his way to be understanding, hell if he had been unbelievably fucking sympathetic; he had gone as far as to refrain from just shoving the stupid cow against a wall and fucking the daylight out of him the first time he had refused him. But this wasn't all, he had even behaved so out of character that he more or less waited patiently for another 2 weeks or so; well more or less because he had actually tried pointing his gun to the teen's skull and getting him drunk to have his way with him, but that was obviously more than justified… who would have reacted another way in his place? But no, that stupid excuse for a hitman had stubbornly kept turning him down, and to his account, Reborn had to admit he thought up original and clever tricks to do so. Once knowing I'd make a move, he had called Bianchi in advance and let her know about where we were going to meet; of course it had all ended in him being picked up by an ambulance with clear signs of poisoning. Can you just imagine how insane one must be to go such lengths as to nearly die, instead of spending a hot night with the sexiest and most requested hitman around? And no, he wasn't being full of himself, he was being simply realistic. Lambo's tactics were starting to get on his nerves, but as much as he irritated him, he couldn't help but internally praise him for his tenacity and presence of mind.

However, all in all Reborn didn't get him, it had given in to him so easily when he kissed him and had looked so elated about be in a relationship of any sort with him, so why didn't he want to hand over his ass? The arcobaleno had even gave up his libertine ways, well maybe not completely, but really getting laid with only 3 chicks a week was something unheard of for Reborn. Jeez now that he thought about it, what the hell was he doing? He should do as he pleases, the stupid cow didn't mean anything for him in the first place. He had reached this point in his reasoning other times, but he would get a vision of Lambo half naked, jet-black tangles of hair partly covering emerald eyes, slender, well-made legs and such a sexy ass… Tze he had to fuck him, one way or another he had to. It wasn't just a matter of sexual frustration anymore, his very pride was at stake, he couldn't accept that someone may not long for him.

All the Vongola family noticed Reborn's hanger, not that it was difficult, even a blind monkey would have realized. As a matter of fact, the hitman ,who was trigger-happy as a rule, had become even more so. He had hospitalized about 20 people by now. Regarding the reason for his annoyance, it was plain as day he felt frustrated because Lambo had seemingly no intention of getting laid with him. Some of them felt pity for him, others thought it served him right; especially Tsuna. In fact, Tsuna considered his thunder guardian as a little brother and he couldn't accept he was going out with his tutor; it was like seeing red riding hood fall right into the wolf's clutches. The atmosphere was so dense it could be cut with a knife.

'Yo Reborn! How are you doing?' Yamamoto waved to the hitman with his eternally present smile plastered on his face.

'Tse, as always. What are you doing here now anyway? Weren't you on a mission?' It annoyed him to no end not to be informed about such changes, after all it was his pride to always know everything about everyone. If just his informer insects weren't in a larval state right now…

'Oh Tsuna changed his mind at the last minute, so how is it going with Lambo? I bet you're enjoying yourself, he's so lively in bed'

'Well yeah that's… wh-what? What the hell do you mean with that? It sounds like you tried him out.' After almost choking from surprise, Reborn drew out his gun and positioned it on Yamamoto's forehead. If looks could kill, the guardian would be dead now, no joking.

'Hm yes, I did. Why are you so bewildered? You know he's not actually picky, how can I say it… he's extremely accommodating.' Yamamoto didn't change expression all the while, carrying on smiling like he was talking about the weather.

Reborn, instead, didn't feel steady on his feet, for a couple of second he considered the fact Yamamoto could be lying, but he discarded the thought immediately, why the hell should he lie about something like this. A surge of jealousy overwhelmed him, he was seething with anger, ready to explode. He had had qualms about attacking him, he had restrained himself and the little bitch had gone around getting fucked.

A bullet grazed Yamamoto's ear, a second after the hitman had disappeared. The guardian gave a sigh of relief, he really thought he was going to die.

'Hey Reborn, what a wonderful day to the extreme!' Said Ryohei in high-spirits as usual.

'I don't see anything of the sort. I'm totally out of mood, so get out of my way or I'll deprive the family of one of his guardian.' If it had been physically possible, I'm sure steam would have come out of Reborn's head.

'I shagged Lambo to the extreme!'

'What?' Reborn's face turned a darker red.

'I said I shagged Lambo to the extreme!' the guardian repeated with more enthusiasm. He didn't registered the hitman vanishing from his field of vision until he heard a noise like smashed walls. Later that day they found out half the mansion had been tore down.

'Uhm Reborn-san, would you mind giving them back to Lambo-san? He left them in my room last time he came playing.' Reborn couldn't believe his eyes, Chrome was handing out to him a pair of cow-printed boxers, while blushing and looking away.

'Fuhuhuhuh my lovely Chrome you shouldn't give away our secret threesome to our hitman here, he may not approve.' He didn't know when Mukuro had popped out, but he couldn't care less, he was going straight to Tsuna, he was going to get permission to kill some people.

'I'm going to kill Lambo, no thinking it over, so just give your approval and call it a day.' Said the hitman while bursting into the room.

'What? Of course I'm not giving my permission, Lambo's one of my guardian. Beside aren't you two dating? What's gotten into you?'

'Tse it seems that idiot cow got laid with half the base, so I just need you to tell me you put it in too and the list is completed.' He said sarcastically. What he would have never expected was the blush that appeared on Tsuna's cheeks. He must be daydreaming, or more probably they drugged him, cause he hears Tsuna stutters something like 'I did…'

'What did you just said?' He was speechless. 'I did.' Tsuna averted his eyes.

Gokudera barged in: 'Why are you getting so worked up, actually me too…'

'Don't even try it, utter the fucking words and I'll neuter you.' The killing aura radiating from him killed a spider near the window, Gokudera could have sweared.

Then he just disappeared from sight.

That night everyone could hear Lambo's screams, first from pain then turning into something else. Anyway it went on for hours.

'Hey maybe we overdid it with the joke.' Yamamoto was starting to worry for poor Lambo

'Fuhuhu I don't think so, that was simply epic.' Mukuro wide grin showed nothing but sheer amusement.

Then in a corner of the room Tsuna was self-pitying: 'I want to die, I want to die, I want to die… Why did I agree to it in the first place?'

'Well, Jyudaime, I must say seeing Reborn's face like that was actually worth it. I'm not even sure that shade of red exist in this world.' Gokudera, for the record, hadn't stop chuckling.

Poor Lambo was laying almost lifeless on the bed. He had been sure he was going to die, but apparently his time had yet to come.

'That's strange, I'm quite sure that was you're first time, you were really tight.' Reborn murmured.

'Of course it was my first time, you moron! Why would you think otherwise?' He had to stop because of the acute pain in his back, if he was lucky he wouldn't be able to walk for a week.

The hitman simply stared at him until it all dawned down on him, he had been tricked. This was calling for blood, they had dared to make a fool out of him, but they wouldn't get away with it, oh no. He was just getting up to go taking his revenge, when he remembered something.

'Anyway, why the hell did you keep escaping, you stupid cow?' he sounded truly curious.

Lambo just gaped at him for a few second, then he turned his head toward the wall and whispered something in an inaudible voice.

Tse how irritating, 'If you don't say it out loud I won't hear it.'

'I was embarrassed okay? You always go around with those models and I thought you would have been disappointed with me.' Lambo could feel his ears burning.

A devilish smirk formed on Reborn's lips, maybe revenge could wait, he first was going to have another round.

'Hey guys, I actually told Reborn what you wrote me on the note, but what does 'shag' mean?' Ryohei still didn't get was going on. They had tried explaining it to him, but he just couldn't remember it.

'Is it related to why Reborn beat all of us?'


End file.
